May 22: Mike Wallace

After almost a year without any new posts, I've been brought back to the Underwear ProBowl by an upcoming celebrity softball event at none other than our local Lancaster Barnstormer's Clipper Magazine stadium which will feature my favorite lover boy Cam Newton.

But more importantly and back to the task at hand, after reviewing the current roster for the softball event, I decided my next recruit should come from those who will be playing. After some image searching and reviewing, I've decided that with my 11th pick in the Underwear ProBowl, I select Burnell Micheal "Mike" Wallace III, wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers. Coincidentally, 2011 also marked Wallace's first ever AFC pro bowl selection so it seems quite fitting this this 6 foot, 200 lb beauty also be selected for the even more prestigious honor of the underwear probowl.

I'm not always a big fan of tats, but I'm digging the mohawk, tattoos and bedroom eyes I'm getting from Mike Wallace and I can honestly say, black and gold never looked so good! I'm actually wondering how this little gem went undiscovered for so long because now that I've found him, I can't stop looking at him. I mean, just look at him, it's like he's staring right into my soul. I should have recruited him LONG ago. I have a feeling I'm going to end up recruiting more wide receivers than necessary, but if that's the case, I guess we can always play a little role reversal and I'll be the receiver. ;) At least... as long as that's okay with you Mr. Wallace. So until then... see you soon sweetcheeks!

August 15: Jordan Cameron

After a brief hiatus and as my 10th overall pick in the Underwear ProBowl, I select Jordan Cameron, tight end for the Cleveland Browns. This right here is a perfect example of a classic, all-american, pretty boy.

Mr. Cameron comes to us from the USC Trojans and like fellow Trojan recruit, Mark Sanchez, he's a beauty I would not mind procreating with. However, UNLIKE Mr. Sanchez, it would be much easier to trick my husband into thinking my baby Jordan Camerons were his. :) Just kidding, Michael... I would mostly likely probably never do that... :)

Jordan actually spent his college career at a few different universities and was originally a wide receiver. However, it's no surprise that after a life of excelling in all positions (no pun intended) and sports, he embraced the tight end position with finesse... and with a tight end of his own that I wouldn't mind embracing myself, he will fit in oh so nicely on our team. Welcome Mr. Cameron, I look forward to seeing more (pun intended) of you this NFL season.

Holy Biceps he's pretty.

August 5: Tony Gonazalez

You want to talk about an NFL all-star, meet our 9th overall pick and ELEVEN time NFL pro bowler, Tony Gonzalez, tight end for the KC Chiefs. He holds the NFL records for single season receptions by a tight end, career touchdowns by a tight end, career receptions by a tight end and reception yards by a tight end. Not only is he an all-star on the field, but he also saved the life of choking man back in 2008 by performing the heimlich maneuver. Say, Tony... I think I'm choking, can you please thrust me from behind to save my life? I'll be forever indebted to you.

Tony has the nickname "Gonzo", although I prefer to not call him that because I immediately think of the Muppet babies which is just weird. He is what I like to call one gorgeous pretty boy. Naturally, he has a smokin' hot wife, too... but we will not mention her any more than to say their two children together (+ a 3rd child from another relationship) make him another DILF on the Underwear ProBowl roster. Yes, please, may I have another?

August 4: Terrell Owens

With the 8th overall pick of the draft, I present to you the lean, mean Terrell Owens, Wide Receiver and Free Agent. Despite numerous controversies, T.O. is a six-time NFL Pro Bowl selection and former holder of the league single-game reception record...he's pretty dominant which I'm guessing extends off the field, too. ;)

Some might say T.O. is the male version of a "butter face" - everything's hot, but his face. I'm not sure whether I agree with that or not...  My eyes dont' go up any further than those biceps. I mean, what's the point? I've seen plenty of chocolatey brown bald heads before (no additional commentary necessary) but this body is a worthy of an extra glance or two or seven. AND If you ever seen The T.O. Show and watched him work out, you'd understand why: he has a workout routine that makes me want to throw up just watching it. He could probably bench press me with one arm... bet you can't Terrell, prove me wrong. ;)

August 3: Osi Umenyiora

Ladies, & Gents, say 'ello' to our 7th overall pick of the Underwear ProBowl: London born, Osi Umenyiora, Defensive End for the NY Giants. I hope he has a English accent because that would make him even more enjoyable.

Osi Wannaboneya ;)  has been selected for the NFL Pro Bowl twice and holds the Giants franchise record for most sacks in one game. Rumor has it, he's currently training to earn my record for most sacks in one night...I don't know Osi, it may be tough to beat the current record of oh, I don't know, maybe 1? :)

I apologize in advance for the presence of vaj in this picture, but the pickin's were slim. Enjoy!

August 2: Will Demps

As the 6th overall pick of the 2011 Underwear ProBowl draft, I've selected, Will Demps, Free Agent Safety. The beautiful Will is 50% African-American, 50% Korean and a 100% FFIIINNNEEE! He's been a free agent since being released by the Houston Texans in 2009. Lucky for Will, he's so easy on the eyes that he manages to get by with a modeling career in his free time...I know, such a hard life he must live.

Demps is also the owner of a Wet Willie's chain bar in San Diego, CA where he features dished influenced by his mother's home cooking. I'm betting that our Mr. Demps is just a little bit of a Mama's boy and let me tell you, this is one Mama who wouldn't mind getting a Wet Willie from this pretty boy (and I don't mean the slobbery finger in the ear kind). ;)

Congratulations Will Demps, you are no longer a free agent - you've been picked up for the Underwear ProBowl and as we see here, you have definitely passed the uniform test.

August 1: Mark Sanchez

If there's one good thing to come out of today being a Monday it's our Magnificent Mexican-American selection of Mark Sanchez, QB for the NY Jets. Obviously, Mark's parents really wanted to capitalize on the fact that he is both Mexican and American because his full name is Mark Travis John Sanchez. As if one All-American name isn't enough, we'll give him 3 just so people don't have any doubts that a high quality product like this was, indeed, made in the USA.

Mark was selected by the Jets in the 2009 draft after winning the 2008 Rose Bowl as starting QB for the USC Trojans. When you put "Mark Sanchez" and "Trojans" in the same sentence, I can't say USC is the first and only Trojan I think of, but that could get a little to R-rated so I don't think we need to go there, now do we? ;)

So Mark - if you're interested in carrying on your legacy without the commitment of a relationship, let me know and we'll skip the trojans. I'm sure my husband would welcome an All-American football player into the family, especially if he comes along with the child support payments of an NFL salary. I promise, we'll  provide a very loving home to little Mark Travis John David William Robert Sanchez. :) Just saying... the offer's there.


Putting David Hasselhoff to SHAME, as if he hasn't already done that to himself.